I had a crazy bout of anxiety before returning to LA for the first time in a year one week ago. My life in New Mexico felt completely removed from the pace and vibe I associate with LA and I worried that I know longer knew how to drive fast, merge onto busy freeways, work crazy long hours, and do all that I used to do regularly.
Well, lo and behold, it all comes back! Cellular memory is a thing. But, so is anxiety. The idea of returning had me in a kind of paralyzed fear that my two worlds wouldn’t mix and that it was an either/or, black/white, can’t have both situation. I was scared that past experiences and memories would influence my upcoming stay and was thus stuck in both past and future. Totally not present. (Side note- I’m currently reading “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” by Dr. Joe Dispenza and in it he discusses this exact scared of the future because of the past dilemma and offers solutions).
But, being here for one week has reminded me that there is always another option. This, and that too. Shades of grey. There is an energy to LA that, though it can be exhausting, is also invigorating and inspiring. It’s an expensive, competitive, and difficult city in which to live and thrive and therefor pushes people out of their comfort zones and into leaps of faith. It’s not a city one coasts in.
And I’ve spent much of the past year coasting professionally, as I contemplated new directions and possibilities. I worked in film just enough to pay the bills, started selling vintage clothing online (www.knockaboutvintage.etsy.com) but have yet to launch some of the plans I originally had for that business… Being in LA has reignited those ideas and I feel excited to return to New Mexico energized and inspired.
Think stories, vignettes, and photo shoots…
More to come. Stay tuned.