It feels like October outside; cool, cold in the shade, crisp, clear. I looked at the weather app on my phone this morning…90 in LA, 58 here. Sweater weather. A cold snap coming in two days, possible snow flurries just to the north.
One year since I moved back into my house. Two years since I sat in a Trader Joe’s Parking lot in LA, wondering why I lived there. Outside it was 103 and people bought pumpkins, sweating through sundresses. Three years since signing the lease on my Silver Lake apartment, since the Cubs won the World Series and since waking up without Trump as President. Four years since I returned from being on location in New York. And five since a Fall trip to Amsterdam and Italy.
October.
Does time actually speed up as one year begins to wind down and another barrels towards us or does it just feel that way?
As I begin to look back over the year, I realize my 2019 word came true (as each previous year’s word has) and my desire for connection and an integrated life did manifest. I feel grounded in my life, city, connections, and relationships and, because that desire proved illusive for so long, no part of me takes that for granted. It has been a year of learning curves, new people, negotiations, children, and conversations. Only by comparison do I realize how solitary my former life was and how much of it was conducted in my head and through my writing, rather than out loud.
I had so much to say here and lately feel that I have so little. Instead of writing, I bake the best gluten free/ grain free chocolate cake. I take photos of vintage clothing to sell on knockaboutvintage.etsy.com. I go to Saturday morning soccer games and for afternoon bike rides. I drink tea with friends. And then I realize it’s October and think “Whoa! That was quick.”
But, it’s all good.
Gluten and Grain Free Chocolate Pumpkin Brownies
3/4 C pumpkin puree
3/4 C almond butter
1/4 C + 1 T cocoa powder
1/3 C maple syrup
1 t pumpkin pie spice
1 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
1 egg
1/4 C chocolate chips
1/4 C chopped nuts (optional)
Preheat Oven to 350
Grease one 8×8 baking pan. In a stand mixer (I used my blender or you can use a wooden spoon and a bowl), add all ingredients except chocolate chips and nuts. Mix on high until batter is smooth. Mix in nuts if desired. Pour batter into prepared baking dish. Sprinkle with chocolate chips. Heat oven to 350. Bake for 25 minutes. Remove and let stand for 5 minutes. Enjoy!!
I am also in love with Pamela Salzman’s Grain Free Zucchini Chocolate Cake and Grain I Free Cinnamon Apple Cake (Pamelasalzman.com)
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This passage really resonates and I think is a reminder of my unsettled feelings of restlessness, imbalance and of callings ignored. Milestones not yet reached at my tender age of 44. I long for when I can genuinely proclaim words such as these. Great post. Hugs.
“I feel grounded in my life, city, connections, and relationships and, because that desire proved illusive for so long, no part of me takes this for granted……Only by comparison do I realize how solitary my former life was and how much of it was conducted in my head and through my writing, rather than out loud.”
Thanks Chad!!