44

I recently became obsessed with middle age; from the books I am reading, to the movies and shows I’m watching and the conversations I’m having, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that if I (God willing) live to be really old, I’m still likely half way there. It took me by surprise, which is exactly what every middle aged person I’ve ever known says. Somehow the time between one third and one half disappears in a flash and there we are, our little selves in older bodies.

I turned 44 on Thursday and, as I have for so many birthdays, spent it on a costume trailer. This month also marked 20 years in the film industry and while I’d like to say that was a celebration, it was more of an existential “how did this happen and where did the time go?” kind of feeling. Twenty years ago I was just back from two months of galavanting through Mexico with friends, newly graduated from college and thought, well, I don’t have anything else going on, might as well give this film thing a shot.

I just started what will be my longest job in several years after taking four months off. During those four months I took a screenplay writing class, Spanish classes, joined a gym and basically settled into a retired lifestyle that has now come to an abrupt halt. I prefer that life to working! Goal for 44 is to come up with a way to make that life my new job.

Life is short. Time flies. Insert all appropriate cliches here because they are true! It’s hard to imagine the speed with which the years start to go when you’re a kid and each year is epic, a full fifth, sixth, or seventh of your life. Not one forty fourth.

I think Gen Z understands this. I love reading stories about the great resignation that recently took place. I admire those who say Nope; not going to jump on this bandwagon of expectations, or keep up with the Joneses only to wake up wondering where it, life, went.

I don’t exactly feel like I jumped on that bandwagon , I just feel extra extra positive I have no interest in ever doing so. I hope to keep as much of my creativity going over the next five months as I possibly can, while simultaneously helping to bring one of HBO’s dreams into reality. I recently had an astrological reading in which the astrologer told me I was great at manifesting others dreams and it was time to manifest my own.

That’s the plan.