May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.
I was having a hard time making a decision this week and always find it interesting when that happens. “What are you afraid of?” I asked myself, as my analytical/practical side duked it out with my intuition/heart/gut.
“Maybe this is a time for you to just be less practical,” suggested my mom over the phone, hitting the nail on the head. “What’s the worst that could happen? You might waste some money, who cares? Or you might not and it could be awesome.”
What’s the worst that could happen? What are you hiding from? What do you really want? What are you scared of? These are all questions I’ve spent a good portion of the last few years thinking (and blogging) about and which were underlined and highlighted over the past week at what I’ve taken to calling Fear Camp. Through methods I won’t go into because I agreed not to and because they are so experiential in nature it would really do no good to try describe them in words, I was shown, through my own responses and actions, habits and patterns on which I have relied for most of my life. Fascinating.
The decision I found myself wrestling with was whether to do the second part of Fear Camp and to continue uncovering that which I had just scratched the surface of. Do I really need to spend the money when I am already working on myself in many of the same ways at home, for free? Who will water my plants? Who will get my mail? I’ve been gone long enough and should head home soon. I can always take the Advanced Course another time… Just a few of the thoughts that ran through my head. I had a million excuses not to do it and, just like that, the universe decided none of them were good enough. I was offered a three day job on a music video, within an hour of saying I didn’t want to spend the money to stay in LA and pay for the program, which paid the exact amount I needed. My dad called to see if he could stay at my house before heading to the airport this weekend. Sure, can you grab my mail and water my plants while you’re there? A horoscope literally told me that I should continue on a new path I had just begun because it would blend perfectly with the one I was already on and help me to make my dreams a reality.
Ok, I get it.
Occasionally one is graced with the certainty that all is exactly as it should be, magic is close enough to reach out and touch, the flow of one’s life is obvious and clear, and you can actually hear the universe whispering. Or yelling, as the case may be. And, when I am present enough to recognize that, I have nothing but gratitude. As I sit at my friend’s kitchen counter in LA, it is raining outside, and I am keenly aware that I am exactly where I need to be, that magic abounds, and that I am in the flow of my life.
What do I want? I want to be the biggest, bravest, most beautiful version of myself, my blog, my life, my relationships, my creativity, my love. What am I scared of? That that is possible.
For more info on what I’ve been calling Fear Camp, go to mittraining.com