I am happy. I realized that recently, as I drove down a nondescript street doing nondescript errands. It was an ordinary day and it was good. The air felt soft because of recent rains, I had just eaten lunch with a dear friend, laughed at her stories of recent African movie set adventures, and I was beginning to plan my own overseas adventures for the fall.
It was somewhat startling to realize that I had achieved my New Year’s resolution, maybe the first ever.
Along with that realization came the feeling that I was in my life, I was present, here, now, and was living it rather than vice versa. I was making choices based on how they might lead towards the life I envisioned for myself. Happiness is an abstract term and differs for everyone, but I am becoming clearer on what it means for me. It means being home more often and on the road less, at least for now. It means feeling like I am part of a community, it means having time to be creative, to travel, get out of debt, cook healthy food in my own kitchen, harvest veggies from my garden, and be in town long enough to make new friends. It is about presence and making choices, rather than going along, making the choice not to make choices, always feeling there will be time to be happy. Later.
‘Happiness’ was my word for 2014 and ‘congruence’ the word for age 35. Keeping both at the center of all decisions I make has made it easier and clearer to figure out what works and what doesn’t. The second guessing, what ifs, and desires of the ego have been replaced with a clarity. Not that they’re gone; they’re simply easier to recognize and to ignore.
So, as I check in with myself, more than half way through the year, I am happy to report it feels like August. I can account for the first seven months of the year because, though some were difficult, I was there. There have been years of my life when, like someone driving a well known route, I didn’t know how I’d gotten there and couldn’t believe another year was half way over. But, not 2014. I have been present and as I move forward I see how intertwined the ideas of presence, happiness, honesty, and congruence all really are.
smagik 