To Live Whole

IMG_9908

Every year, my mom gives me a Redstone Diary Calendar for Christmas. They choose a word or a theme for the coming year, as I do, and without fail, our words tend to blend bizarrely well. Out of fear of ever being audited, I keep past calendars in discarded black shoe boxes, taken from costume departments, filled with a year’s worth of receipts.

2016 Faith/ Therapeutic

2017 Adventure/Time

2018 Love/Play

2019…

2016 was all about going deep and having faith that I’d be ok with whatever I found. 2017 asked me to let go of the timeline in my head and to see it all as an adventure.    2018 opened my heart and asked me to play. I love that for 2019 they chose the word Home. I have decided on the word Integrate.

2019 Integrate/ Home

integrate

verb

in·​te·​grate | \ˈin-tə-ˌgrāt \
integrated; integrating

Definition of integrate 

transitive verb

1: to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole : UNITE

whole

adjective

\ˈhōl \

Definition of whole 

(Entry 1 of 3)

1a(1): free of wound or injury : UNHURT

(2): recovered from a wound or injury : RESTORED

b: free of defect or impairment : INTACT

c: physically sound and healthy : free of disease or deformity

d: mentally or emotionally sound

2: having all its proper parts or components : COMPLETE

4a: constituting an undivided unit : UNBROKEN, UNCUTa whole roast suckling pig

integrity

noun

in·​teg·​ri·​ty | \in-ˈte-grə-tē \

Definition of integrity 

1: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY

2: an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS

3: the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS

home

noun

\ˈhōm \

Definition of home 

(Entry 1 of 6)

1a: one’s place of residence : DOMICILEhas been away from home for two weeks a place to call home

3a: a familiar or usual setting : congenial environmentalso : the focus of one’s domestic attention home is where the heart is

at home

1: relaxed and comfortable : at ease felt completely at home on the stage

2: in harmony with the surroundings

To be an integrated whole, to live a life of integrity, and to be a person at home in her body, self, and life.  A willingness to let go of control and a desire to stop compartmentalizing. A plan for my hobbies, jobs, relationships, friendships, family to combine into a whole and to mix with all of the juicy messiness that might bring. And the ability to remember that it is in this juice, this mix, that the flavor lies.

That’s what I want for 2019!

What about you?!

If you enjoy these posts, please follow smagik.com and please share and comment!

Runner Up

Though maybe a bit much for 2019, how wonderful is this word?!

•I coddliwompled through the forest and came upon a little stream.

•They spent the year coddiwompling before ending up in Paris that winter.

•She coddiwompled into the American grocery store and there, ahead of her, stretched the yogurt aisle in all of its magnificent glory.

•Though we wouldn’t know it until later that year, we had been coddiwompling towards each other all along.

My search for 2019’s word is still on and, in the meantime, I’m coddiwompling through the our language.

If you enjoy these posts, please follow Smagik.com and please comment and share!

Holidaze’ Backwards Gaze.

IMG_9707Another year almost complete, cookies everywhere I look, twinkle lights, car accidents within feet of each other near the mall, the frenzy is upon us! How to stay present, sane, and joyful in the midst of traffic, lines, and expectations (most often self imposed)? It’s time to practice all that we’ve begun throughout the year, returning to morning routines, meditation, slowing down to breath and to laugh. And making lists helps too.

2018! What a bizarre year. How was yours?

One year ago I was preparing for a trip to India, finishing my improv and writing classes in LA, packing my car to drive East on I-40 for my Christmas trip home and the idea that I would soon move back to New Mexico permanently was nowhere on the horizon. Already that life seems like a dream. I recently hung my California license plate on the wall in my studio after finally re-registering my car in NM, as proof that it did happen, but the dreamlike quality remains.

After the initial chaos of the move back, life is finding a groove and I once again feel in the flow. 11:11 repeatedly appears, the perfect opportunities come from nowhere, old friends resurface, and only now does the level to which I was forcing things in LA seem clear. Not that it was bad. Great jobs came along, I met wonderful people, took classes, lived in a cute apartment, and overall had little to complain about, but the flow was missing. My  life felt manhandled and like something to figure out and to solve, rather than to simply be in.

But, it is also clear that it was something I had to do. I now know without any doubt that “wherever you go, there you are.” There is never anything out there (a job, a relationship, a city) that can magically create joy and contentment if it doesn’t already exist inside. We always come back to ourselves whether we like it or not.

I’m currently mulling over words for 2019. As most of you know, I intuitively choose one for each year and invariably they set the tone for the coming year. Love was my word for 2018 and when I chose it, just over one year ago, I had an inkling that though I would have loved for it to herald the arrival of an amazing new romantic relationship, it might end up being more about the self-love kind. Bingo.

And here I am, with two weeks to go before a new year begins, feeling so full of gratitude, contentment, joy, and cookies I could burst. All that I took for granted prior to moving (like my washing machine and driveway), all that I discovered and experienced while in LA (improv, storytelling, being on location for two months in sublime Northern California) and all that I want to create (an integrated life) are coming together and aligning beautifully. And I don’t take any of it for granted.

Scattered around my kitchen table, along with cookie recipes, shopping lists, and wrapping paper, are lists of words… Alignment. Commitment. Fun. Flow… I’m waiting for the 2019 winner to rise to the surface.

What’s your word for the upcoming year? What do you want to create?

If you enjoy these posts, please follow smagik.com and please share and comment!

2018! Love it!

IMG_1759I keep thinking about one year ago and am so happy it is now and not then! Not that it was bad, but… I pulled into LA with a car load of stuff last NYE, unloaded my car, went to dinner with friends, and returned to my empty apartment afterwards. It was foggy out and smelled unfamiliar. I woke on New Year’s Day, 2017, and assembled my bed so I’d have somewhere to sit.

Today, one year later, I went for a walk on the beach, after making breakfast and waking up late. I returned to that same apartment, now very lived in and full of furniture, and thought about 2017.

What a wacky year! Both personally and for the world. I told a story on stage to a bunch of strangers, took several classes, made new friends, performed improv on stage for an audience, and continuously felt like I was coming home to myself after taking a twenty year detour. I recommend that feeling!

As I look forward towards 2018 and backwards to where I have been, I see that each year’s chosen word has built upon the last and helped to get me to where I am right now.

2017 Adventure

2016 Faith

2015 Joy

2014 Happiness/Congruence

2013 Centered

2012 Confidence

And, while I continue to use each of these as a foundation, I choose LOVE for 2018! Love as the antidote to fear, just as adventure is the flip side of fear’s coin too. Love that can only be given and received once one has the confidence to know they are worthy of it. Love that comes from a centered place rather than one of neediness. Love that springs forth when one is happy and making congruent choices in their life. Love that is joyous and generous. Love that is given away with a faith that no matter what happens with it, the giver will be fine and that there is always more to give. Love that is entered into with the spirit of Adventure and Fearlessness.

As we look towards the future, with all of its possibilities, good and bad, Love is the only route I see. 7.6 Billion people on a tiny planet; so many differences, assumptions, misunderstandings, fears, traditions, religions, commonalities, languages, stories, songs, cuisines, views, and families. How can we look towards each other instead of away? How can we be of service and benefit one another? How can we open instead of close? It all begins with Love. We can do this. I can do this.

What is your word for 2018?

Happy New Year!

If you enjoy these posts, please follow smagik.com and please share!

 

 

Hope/Trust

 hope

  1.  to cherish a desire with anticipation :  to want something to happen or be true

  2. archaic:trust

  3. to desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment.

  4. to expect with confidence :trust

“I hope you can let this go.” -President Trump to Former FBI Director Comey.

vs.

The platform of Hope upon which President Obama ran in 2008 and 2012.

vs.

Hope or Trust.

IMG_9147

I have looked at and said the word Hope so many times today that it no longer looks or sounds like a word, you know what I mean? What is it?  And what if, just what if,  hope is actually what is causing our country to stumble right now? As I rolled this word around in my head, I kept coming back to its implied passivity, a wait and see attitude that can lead to doing nothing or, worse, to expecting others to do it and then acting like a victim if they don’t.  What about the hope that coal mines will come back, that global warming is a Chinese hoax, or that going backwards is ever an option?  As much as I love the optimism it can carry, hope has doubt at its core and there is no getting around it.

What if, instead, we choose trust?  Trust in ourselves and our communities and in the idea of working together, for each other and with each other, to move towards a common goal? What if we begin to demand that kind of reliability within all of our relationships, including those with our government? I have faith in this country and know that we are better than the hoping/wishing/waiting/ burying our head in the sand and crossing our fingers that things will improve trap we seem to have fallen into.  I don’t know that hope is serving us well and think it is time to switch it up.  Just a thought.

If you enjoy these posts, please follow smagik.com and please share!