To Live Whole


Every year, my mom gives me a Redstone Diary Calendar for Christmas. They choose a word or a theme for the coming year, as I do, and without fail, our words tend to blend bizarrely well. Out of fear of ever being audited, I keep past calendars in discarded black shoe boxes, taken from costume departments, filled with a year’s worth of receipts.

2016 Faith/ Therapeutic

2017 Adventure/Time

2018 Love/Play


2016 was all about going deep and having faith that I’d be ok with whatever I found. 2017 asked me to let go of the timeline in my head and to see it all as an adventure.    2018 opened my heart and asked me to play. I love that for 2019 they chose the word Home. I have decided on the word Integrate.

2019 Integrate/ Home



in·​te·​grate | \ˈin-tə-ˌgrāt \
integrated; integrating

Definition of integrate 

transitive verb

1: to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole : UNITE



\ˈhōl \

Definition of whole 

(Entry 1 of 3)

1a(1): free of wound or injury : UNHURT

(2): recovered from a wound or injury : RESTORED

b: free of defect or impairment : INTACT

c: physically sound and healthy : free of disease or deformity

d: mentally or emotionally sound

2: having all its proper parts or components : COMPLETE

4a: constituting an undivided unit : UNBROKEN, UNCUTa whole roast suckling pig



in·​teg·​ri·​ty | \in-ˈte-grə-tē \

Definition of integrity 

1: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY

2: an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS

3: the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS



\ˈhōm \

Definition of home 

(Entry 1 of 6)

1a: one’s place of residence : DOMICILEhas been away from home for two weeks a place to call home

3a: a familiar or usual setting : congenial environmentalso : the focus of one’s domestic attention home is where the heart is

at home

1: relaxed and comfortable : at ease felt completely at home on the stage

2: in harmony with the surroundings

To be an integrated whole, to live a life of integrity, and to be a person at home in her body, self, and life.  A willingness to let go of control and a desire to stop compartmentalizing. A plan for my hobbies, jobs, relationships, friendships, family to combine into a whole and to mix with all of the juicy messiness that might bring. And the ability to remember that it is in this juice, this mix, that the flavor lies.

That’s what I want for 2019!

What about you?!

If you enjoy these posts, please follow and please share and comment!

2018! Love it!

IMG_1759I keep thinking about one year ago and am so happy it is now and not then! Not that it was bad, but… I pulled into LA with a car load of stuff last NYE, unloaded my car, went to dinner with friends, and returned to my empty apartment afterwards. It was foggy out and smelled unfamiliar. I woke on New Year’s Day, 2017, and assembled my bed so I’d have somewhere to sit.

Today, one year later, I went for a walk on the beach, after making breakfast and waking up late. I returned to that same apartment, now very lived in and full of furniture, and thought about 2017.

What a wacky year! Both personally and for the world. I told a story on stage to a bunch of strangers, took several classes, made new friends, performed improv on stage for an audience, and continuously felt like I was coming home to myself after taking a twenty year detour. I recommend that feeling!

As I look forward towards 2018 and backwards to where I have been, I see that each year’s chosen word has built upon the last and helped to get me to where I am right now.

2017 Adventure

2016 Faith

2015 Joy

2014 Happiness/Congruence

2013 Centered

2012 Confidence

And, while I continue to use each of these as a foundation, I choose LOVE for 2018! Love as the antidote to fear, just as adventure is the flip side of fear’s coin too. Love that can only be given and received once one has the confidence to know they are worthy of it. Love that comes from a centered place rather than one of neediness. Love that springs forth when one is happy and making congruent choices in their life. Love that is joyous and generous. Love that is given away with a faith that no matter what happens with it, the giver will be fine and that there is always more to give. Love that is entered into with the spirit of Adventure and Fearlessness.

As we look towards the future, with all of its possibilities, good and bad, Love is the only route I see. 7.6 Billion people on a tiny planet; so many differences, assumptions, misunderstandings, fears, traditions, religions, commonalities, languages, stories, songs, cuisines, views, and families. How can we look towards each other instead of away? How can we be of service and benefit one another? How can we open instead of close? It all begins with Love. We can do this. I can do this.

What is your word for 2018?

Happy New Year!

If you enjoy these posts, please follow and please share!




Only one more day until the empty possibility of a whole, brand new year! 365 more days in which to make choices, laugh, create, explore, question, do, love, dream, plan, dance, speak, act, wonder, and live!

2015 has been a fairly great year for me.  Building on 2014, which was  a decently good year, and 2013 which was an amazingly difficult one, this year continued the upward trajectory that I have every reason to believe will continue in 2016.  I managed to repeatedly surprise myself, be mostly happy, try new things, make things with my hands, step fully out of my comfort zone, feel centered, be honest, laugh, dance, live in reality, trust, and go with the flow.

Looking towards the new year, and back at old smagik posts, I thought about a word for 2016.  This wasn’t something I took lightly, as the past several years’ words had proven strangely prophetic; 2015 was Joy, 2014 Happiness/Congruence, and 2013 Centered.  Some possible candidates were Courage, Trust, and Flow. I want to have courage to trust the flow of my life.  Both actively creating what I want, but also standing back and letting go of the final outcome.  What kind of life do I want to create? Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? How do I want to do it?

I want Faith.  I want to have faith that all is exactly as it should be, that there are no mistakes, and that as long as I keep making choices from a place of love, rather than fear, I have nothing to worry about. I want to see what presents itself and have the courage to say Yes, even when it looks different than I imagined it would.  I want to let go with grace, always remembering that for every No there is a better Yes down the road.  I want to continue to surprise myself, to wonder, to create, to wake excited, and to choose happiness and joy.

And so, for this little smagikal life I am creating, I choose Faith as my word for 2016.

Have a Fantastically Amazing New Year!

Some highlights from 2015


I love this time of year; the week between Christmas and New Years Day specifically. With its mix of excitement, melancholy, nostalgia, and anticipation, it can be an emotional roller coaster, a purge, an adventure, or whatever else I decide to make it, usually a big stew of all, good and bad.

At the moment, I am streaming LA’s KCRW, baking banana bread to give to neighbors, making lists, cutting up magazines, and trying to stay present in the midst of the year end hoopla. It is a strange phenomenon, how quickly one year can go by and all that can happen and change within that year; simultaneously stretching and shrinking time.

For 2014, I chose the word Happiness. I hoped to make decisions based on this word and to keep it at the forefront of my mind. Three months in, on my 35th birthday, I added the word Congruence. How did my stated desire to be happy line up with my actions and vice versa? By mid year, I felt it working. Through a combination of events and choices, I felt more grounded in my life than I had for years.

As I look towards 2015, there are many words that jump to mind; presence, adventure, fun, love, or creativity. But, the one I’m going with is Joy. Hoping to build on a foundation of Happiness, Congruence, and Presence, I want to bring more lightness, spontaneity, fun, and joy into the mix. Goals include board game playing, cocktail mixing, road tripping, camping, writing, landscaping, dancing, traveling, sun bathing, recording, and letting go of all preconceived notions of how “it” should look or be. “It” being life.

I recently read a horoscope in which the astrologer referred to Empire Building and advised me to think about the type of empire I’d like to build. So, here it is-

The Smagik Decree for 2015

Official Mood= Happy and Content
Official Drink= Hard Apple Cider
Official Hobbies= Refrigerator Poetry, Swing Dancing
Official Goals= Radio School, Improve Spanish, Travel Somewhere New
Official Mantra= Let It Go
Official Trips= X Country Road Trip, DC, LV, ?
Official Color= Gold
Official Texture= Sand Between Toes
Official Economy= Prosperity
Official Exercise= Stretching, Skiing
Official Food= Steamed Artichokes, Dark Chocolate
Official Animal=Goats
Official Event= Birthday Party with Piñata
Official Slogan= Lighten Up and Look Around! It’s all Good!


2014 Smagikscope

Give yourself a pat on the back for making it through another mundane and magnificent year here on planet Earth. You’re alive!

As 2014 begins, the asteroid Salud will light the skies, urging all to take more walks, breathe more deeply, and smell more roses. Laughter will do wonders for your health this year, remember to keep it light!

On January 31st, we will celebrate the transition from Year of the Water Snake to that of the Horse. For all those who feel slightly more comfortable feeding carrots to horses than they do swimming in a lake and feeling something slither between their legs, get out and celebrate…and don’t forget the fortune cookie!

As the year progresses and settles into its own rhythm, use the spring to clean out clutter, plan an adventure, and learn something new; a new recipe, a new language, a new kissing technique, it doesn’t matter. You will be grateful for this new skill when Jupiter hosts a talent show at the beginning of July.

You may not have any idea of where you’re heading until this summer when all will be made clear. Adventure will beckon and you’ll be ready! Whether it’s that road trip you’ve always wanted to go on, that loop through South America, or the visit to relatives you’ve been avoiding, now is the moment. The weekend of August 2nd will be a great time to buy that new luggage you’ve had your eye on.

As the summer comes to a close, keep looking up as this is when money and luck will quite literally fall from the sky. Pay off debt and trust that the universe will continue to provide exactly what you need.

As we enter autumn, Venus’ light will be shining bright and you will feel love pouring down upon you. You will quite literally glow because of it. Use the confidence which comes from being unconditionally loved to pass that same feeling onto others. This is the opportune time for the world to know peace as this feeling of love will make harming others an unthinkable option.

And, as winter approaches and another year comes to a close, be kind to yourself and know that, just like everyone else, you did the best you could, and next year will be even better!

Have a magical, beautiful, humorous, love filled, peaceful, healthy, and prosperous adventure aka 2014!