Good morning, sunshine!

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It’s been a while! I keep waiting for something to want to be written,  but feel that one month after returning from India and one week before returning to work, I might need to force the issue.

I have been a hermit. Not a depressed hermit, nor a sad or lonely one. Just one who is totally content to rearrange the furniture before decluttering the bookshelf and then cooking dinner or taking a walk and happily crawling into bed at 9 o’clock. The past couple of weeks have been chilly in LA and I am happy to blame the dampness, the need to wear a sweater, and the desire to drink tea all day for my lack of blogging, but really that all adds up to perfect writing weather. So, what’s up?

I returned from India just in time to celebrate the Lunar New Year of the Earth Dog in Downtown LA’s Chinatown, something which, as a March born Aries, always sets me up for my own personal, fast approaching new year. With the first part of 2018 under my belt, where are things flowing and where do adjustments need to be made?

Something clicked in India and I have had a hard time writing about it and summing it up into words. Hence the lack of blogging? It wasn’t conscious or literally related to India and no experience there was directly responsible, but I returned to my life feeling and seeing clearer than I can remember ever feeling or seeing.

Midlife; when the Universe grabs your shoulders and tells you “I’m not f-ing around, use the gifts you were given.”

-Brené Brown

This clarity led to a couple of weeks of real physical and mental discomfort as patterns, habits, relationships, and ideas that no longer served me were illuminated and then removed. I can only describe it as feeling like the birth canal we all must go through to get to the light. Within this period, which came between the eclipses of January 31 and February 15, I was woken in the middle of the night by a literal earthquake centered in Silver Lake, (only 2.9, but that is strong enough when it’s under your house!), a necklace I haven’t taken off for over two years literally detached itself from my neck and fell off while I was standing still (I’ve always heard that when you break a necklace or a mirror it is the end  and beginning of a seven year cycle of karma), I broke a pitcher and my tea kettle on the same day, and the list goes on and on.

And then I woke up one morning and it was all clear. Things I have been working on or trying to “figure out” (ha, when has that ever happened?!) suddenly  became clear. Puzzle pieces clicked into place. Words I’d said or thoughts I’d thought suddenly had the power of knowing in my gut to back them up.

Was it India with its ingrained spirituality which, even if that’s not why you go there or what you are seeking, permeates the air, water, and people and gets into your bones? Was it being away from everything familiar and therefore seeing that which can so easily be overlooked? Was it just time? Was it grace? Or the eclipses? Who knows?! Some combination of all of the above. All I know is that it’s all good and that there is no escaping your wake up call when the Universe deems you ready. So, get ready!

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Embrace It.

IMG_2881.JPGI have had a hard time sleeping for the past couple of weeks and for anyone who knows me, or reads this blog,  that could sound like old news. But, it is actually new news! Instead of lying in bed full of what ifs and how is this going to work and the like,  it feels like an army of fireflies has invaded my body and is having a dance party while holding lit sparklers. I can feel the energy of possibility, adventure, change, and magic coursing through my veins and pulsing from brain to heart to gut. For the first time in a long time, I can see how A led to B and then to C and a new sense of clarity and purpose is taking hold.

While in the Advanced Course at MITT (mittraining.com), I committed to creating an integrated life. I came to realize how compartmentalized much of my thinking had become and how self limiting and sabotaging that was.  Instead of placing creativity  in one box, making a living in another, sense of community in that one over there, and love somewhere next to it, I want one big, full, integrated life which encompasses them all.

What do I do that brings me gratification and joy? What do I do when no one is paying me to do it, just because I want to? What do I love about my life right now and what do I want to change about it? Where do I see myself in one, five, or twenty years?

It is very easy for me to belittle the answers to these questions with a quick “well, doesn’t everyone do or want that?” or  “but, that’s just me messing around,” rather than realizing that not everyone loves taking photos and playing around with photo apps on their phone for hours, arranging beautiful spaces, writing about their experiences, thinking about what it means to be a human/spiritual being, sharing recipes, and trying to create beauty in the world on a daily basis. At times I think, “oh, but that’s all too random and I should focus on just one thing. What do photos, home decor, spirituality, food, and beauty have to do with each other?” Well, in my experience, everything! They make me happy to be alive. And, I know I am not alone.

For the first time, I feel clear that there is a reason I have the interests and passions I do and that they are not to be taken for granted, belittled, or ignored, but rather embraced, as yours are. They can and will benefit both myself and the world if I just let go of the need for it all to look a certain way and trust that by being my authentic self, I will create the integration, impact, and joy I desire. It is already happening.

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