2013 – smagik

Oh, 2013, it’s been… interesting!

January 1, 2014January 1, 2014Balance, Life, UncategorizedLeave a Comment

It’s been a year of lessons, floods, introspection, things coming from left field, and of learning to let go, to laugh at myself, and to trust. Really, it’s been the exact opposite of the extroverted adrenaline high that was my 2012.

I should have known when I bought a calendar on Etsy.com which proclaimed that 2013 would be “the best year ever,” that I was setting myself up for trouble. I really wanted the excitement of 2012 to continue, but it was soon obvious that 2013 was to be about landing back in my life, examining, and moving forward from there. I had to learn to trust myself and the universe when I had no idea where I was being led.

In one of my first smagik posts, I wrote that I’d chosen “centered” as my word for the year and that I’d have to wait until the end of the year to see if that was an appropriate choice. Well, be careful what you ask for! The universe will not simply bestow the feeling, but will hand you the situation in which to practice that which you say you want.

For much of the summer and fall, I felt that I was in a little rowboat, trying to make it through stormy waves of emotion I’d never experienced before, heading towards an unknown destination, trying not to capsize. Trying to stay centered.

Turning down job offers, I took writing classes which had me plumbing my depths for material, unsure where any of it would lead. Submitting work and heading to El Salvador for surf camp, I crossed two items off of my bucket list.

As I sit here, on the last day of the year, I think Wow. It actually has been a good year, just not in the ways I expected it to be. It had some great highs and dark lows, but here I am, feeling truly more centered than ever. Watch what you ask for!

And so, as a friend likes to say, “keep it simple, stupid.” This year I’m choosing Happiness as my word. Keeping it simple. I’ll report back in a year!

Happy 2014 to all!

Centered…?

March 6, 2013March 7, 2013Balance, LifeLeave a Comment

On December 31st, 2012, I filled out a worksheet that a friend emailed me. It asked me to look back on the previous year and forward to the next, answering questions and making lists about where I was and where I wanted to be. About half way through, it asked me to choose a word for 2013 and to think of what my word for 2012 would have been. Happiness, Confidence, Adventure, Love, Balance, and Fun all came to mind for both. 2012 had been one of the more amazing years of my life, full of weddings, a home renovation, new friends, a job that took me to five states in nine months, and a confidence I hadn’t felt in years. I looked towards 2013 with excitement and anticipation, but also slight trepidation because I really had no idea where it might take me. After some thought, I decided my word for 2012 was Confidence and, after much deliberation, settled on Centered for 2013. It didn’t sound exotic, but I realized that it could encapsulate all those more exciting sounding words within it. What I really wanted when it came down to it, was to feel grounded in my life but the keep the spontaneity I had become so comfortable with in 2012. I wanted happiness that couldn’t be taken when outside conditions changed. I yearned to feel the lightness I’d felt as a gypsy without the weight of not knowing when I would next be able to open my mail. I wanted to let go of the parts of myself I’d only just realized were outgrown and to feel solid in what remained. It has been over two months since I chose Centered as my new word and once again I am reminded to be careful what you ask for. You will without a doubt be given situations in which to practice that which you say you want. Nothing has gone how I thought it would as I sat writing my list on New Year’s Eve, but at the same time I know, without a doubt, that I am exactly where I need to be. We’ll see where I am on December 31st, 2013, before deciding if it was the appropriate word choice for the year.