Rear View

Lessons of 2017, so far-

You can not go backwards. 

When changing ingrained habits, you will be tested. 

Humor is invaluable. 

You can only ever make the next right choice. 

Grey> B/W

It is up to you and only you to create the life you want. 

Your teachers will come in all forms. 

Until the lessons are learned, the situations will repeat. 

Resistance works. 

Panic achieves nothing. 

Creativity is a necessity. 

Sometimes it is necessary to turn off the news and turn up the music. 

 Your intuition is Always right. 

Life goes on. 


As my dad and I recently made what I hope to be the final drive moving things from my house in New Mexico to my apartment in LA, I was struck by the thought that just one year ago, none of my current reality was anywhere on a conscious horizon. For all I knew, I was content to keep living in my house, working as a costumer, and continuing as before. Forever. The truth is that I wasn’t consciously thinking about any of it, but rather just going along. 

Cut to the winter of 2017 and I am living in a different place, working as little as possible in my career of over a decade, protesting my current government, taking improv classes, signing up for multiple other classes, dating, and consciously creating a life that reflects and encompasses who I want to be. 

And I really have no idea what I am doing! Like seriously no idea. I am being repeatedly  tested when saying no to the familiar and comfortable, be they cities, jobs, or habits, as if the Universe wants to be really certain of my commitment. After emerging from the tests, I simply try to make the next right decision on a daily basis, saying no to the things I know do not work, and trusting that at least then there will be room for what does work, even if I don’t yet know what that is. Onward–>

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You had the power all along, my dear. You’ve had it all along. 
-Glinda the Good Witch

I have officially become one of those LA people I used to wonder about who sit in coffee shops in the middle of the day, middle of the week, plotting, writing, and researching on their notepads, phones, and computers. “Don’t those people have jobs?” I asked.  And now I sit amongst them and attempt to change the entire concept of work within my life, to one of creativity, flexibility, and fulfillment. 

Though still doing enough film work to pay the bills, the rest of my time is spent asking “what brings me joy? How have others created careers based on what brings them joy? How can I do the same? Beauty, communication, travel, photography, being of service, health, play… hmmm. 

Like a little game of connect the dots, I go from improv class to writing to a coaching workshop to following a new recipe to decorating my apartment to a movie set somewhere; always feeling that I am pulling one over on the world, getting away with something. And the funny thing is, no one else cares! I was the only one telling myself that experimenting wasn’t allowed and/or responsible and that work wasn’t supposed to be fun, it was work. 

So, this is my job right now. This is the only power I have, to keep moving forward with each and every idea until the time is right for them to fall into place and for clarity to guide me further. I will continue to see what I can get away with. Until then, I’ve joined those I used to judge, how ironic. They just figured out how to sit in coffee shops on Thursday afternoons earlier than I did. 

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The ABCs (or HPJs) of Create/Resist

When the fabric of society begins to unravel, it will be the artists, poets, thinkers, and dreamers who sew those strips into some new, as of yet unimagined, patchwork quilt. It’s happening now. Creativity and Resistance are becoming, or maybe always have been, intrinsically linked and will only become more so moving forward. 

More to come soon…

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Last night I had a dream that Steve Bannon was at a party with me.  I woke and spent the rest of the night awake, tossing. At 7 o’clock I finally got out of bed, meditated, had a cup of tea, and dressed to go for a hike, without looking at my phone, headlines, or the news.

For the past eleven days I, and most people I know, have watched aghast as the Trump Administration began following through on one horrifying campaign promise after another. Watching and resisting the dismantling of our country has become addictive and, as one new Executive Order after another is issued, I find myself spinning, unsure where to put my energy, time, money, and fight.  Just sifting through the news and trying to decipher what is legit and what is not feels like a full time job.

And then yesterday I actually started to feel ill from the toxicity of it all. Instead of sleeping, I would lie awake thinking of the perfect tweet that would really “show him”. I never tweet! I began looking for ways to control situations which are completely beyond my control and in doing so, fell right back into all sorts of bad habits that I thought were behind me. My spiritual game is obviously not as strong as I’d believed it to be!

So, when is being consumed with the news beneficial to myself and others and when is it not? By making myself physically ill, I am of little use to anyone and by spinning in panic I am of no use. That has become apparent. I want to “stay woke” but in a way that allows me to actually take action, away from the rabbit hole of preaching to the choir that is social media. I donated to the ACLU and set up a monthly payment. I donated to Planned Parenthood.  I phoned my Congressmen to voice my support for the positions they have been taking. I emailed a Senator from a different state who was interested in hearing from people who had participated in the Women’s March. I phoned in to a Town Hall meeting. And, I turned my phone off, went for two hikes, sat in the sun, felt the earth underneath me, meditated, listened to music when the news was too much, called some friends, and cooked healthy food. That is all I know how to do right now.

And, into Week Two we go.


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